He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
