Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
