hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
