he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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