i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
