Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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