is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
