You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
