Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize