I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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