Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
