Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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