my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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