Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
