I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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