Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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