Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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