you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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