sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
