oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
where am i from again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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