dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
