Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
