So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
