the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize