fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
