I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
