I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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