I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
