Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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