It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
