you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
