Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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