Non-Jews are for practice
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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