To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
