Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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