Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
