Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
