i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
