5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
