So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
