dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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