The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
