My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
