i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
