your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
