Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
