Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
