glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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