In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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