he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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