i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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