my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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