So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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