there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
