I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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