1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
