Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
