You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
