In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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