I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
