Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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