Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
