Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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