Rock
Scissors
Fuck
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
