I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
