Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
