I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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