Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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