is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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