need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
