battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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