Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
