i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
