LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
