i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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