please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
