Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm getting married
To pizza
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
