I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
