honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
