I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
